Divorce is the word used when two people who had been married legally, separate and cease to be married. Divorce is also referred to as the dissolution of marriage. A legal process involving civil litigation, which nowadays tends to be brief – due to ‘no-fault’ legislation not requiring ‘grounds’ for the bonds of matrimony to be loosened – divorce rates have increased in most countries since the middle of the 20th century.

From pre-historic times until very recently (there being some states now permitting same-sex marriage), marriage was solely between partners of the opposite sex, and the family unit consisted of the father, mother and offspring, their children. In patriarchal societies the male, the husband, and father, was the head of the family, also the breadwinner, and the female, the wife, and mother, took the responsibility for childcare and keeping a home. Marriage was, and still is, regarded as an important social event, a legal union between two young people (in the majority of cases), of significance to the families involved, along with the community at large.

A nation’s culture, language, customs and manners are transferred to the next generation via the institution of marriage. It is also a religious event sanctified by church, synagogue, mosque and temple. It is necessary to appreciate the historical and cultural importance of the institution of marriage, before one can begin to delve into the present day malaise showing symptoms of a breaking down of this hoary institution.

In modern industrialized societies, there are no strict role boundaries between husband and wife, unlike in traditional patriarchal societies. Husband and wife could both be wage earners or the roles may be reversed, where the wife is the breadwinner and the husband takes over household chores along with childcare. A woman’s dependence on the male is thereby diminished making it easy for them to separate when there are irreconcilable differences. With the world becoming more secular and religion no longer being the overriding force it once was, marriage vows may not be taken all that seriously, as was in the past.

‘Making Marriage Last'(1998) a publication of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers arrived at some conclusions as to why marriages fail. This was not a statistical study by social scientists, but a survey of considered opinions of experienced divorce lawyers. They noted that often there was no one reason for the failure of a particular marriage, there could be several. More often than any other reason, poor communication was given as the cause for the breakdown of marriage. This finding ought to be seen in the context of increasing stress in modern daily life. If both husband and wife are at work all day, they would find little time and inclination to relax and converse with each other at the end of the day.

Financial problems were given as the second most cogent reason for divorce. Again, it is the demands of present day living, of the need to keep up with the Jones’ which exacerbate this situation. Friends and family too may make unreasonable demands making unfavourable comparisons between the couple and their friends and acquaintances. A lack of commitment to the marriage was the third reason given. In the old days, most people ploughed through a marriage for the sake of the children, or for fear of negative sanctions from their church or community. Nowadays, responsibility for children may be shared, with divorce seen as an accepted and normal state of affairs.

The lawyers also found that married couples suddenly find their priorities to have dramatically changed, which make their remaining committed to each other intolerable. People do change over time, some learn and grow, while others stagnate. Sexual infidelity by one partner also leads to the inevitable split. This often happens when people marry when they are very young, as with maturity they tend to look for a different partner whom they are likely to find more attractive. Increasingly, the opportunities for engaging in extra-marital relationships are facilitated both by the Internet and both the work and the social setting.

The above five factors are the ones most often cited as the causes of divorce. The reasons cited below also give rise to occasions for divorce, but not as often as those above. Another reason for the current high rates of divorce was described as ‘failed expectations or unmet needs’. The lawyers have not spelled out what these are, but promises made prior to marriage may have not been fulfilled while in some instances it could even be sexual needs that are not met. Addictions to alcohol, drugs, or what is called substance abuse, may also play a part in causing divorce. Less often cited, thankfully, are instances of physical, sexual or emotional abuse. There may still be battered wives, but they won’t put up with it for long. The lawyers also mention a lack of conflict resolution skills, which perhaps refers to the less well educated, low-income section of the population.

Other studies have suggested that ‘time, sex, and money’ are the most salient factors in causing the break-up of young families. As discussed above, a couple may find little time, energy and inclination not only to communicate with each other, but also to engage in sex. Again, as discussed earlier, money problems, especially ‘debt brought into marriage’ appears to be one of the most frequent causes of divorce. They also found that everyday bickering regarding expectations about simple household tasks can escalate into quarrels that end up in the divorce court. ‘Relate’, the organization dealing with marital problems, reported that one in ten people who receive marriage guidance counselling these days blame the Internet for their marital problems.

A 2004 study by UK management consultants Grant Thornton, listed the following as the main causes of divorce. The descriptive labels may be slightly different from the American lawyers list, but these overlap to some extent. 

• Adultery; Extramarital sex; Infidelity – 27%
• Domestic violence – 17%
• Midlife crisis – 13%
• Addictions, e.g. alcoholism and gambling – 6%
• Workoholism – 6%

The congenital ill-health or deformity of a newborn baby may also occasion the break-up of the parents’ marriage. It is possible that the baby’s condition could be attributed to genetic causes. Even otherwise, it is possible for one or the other of the couple to show an inability to accept the situation and cope with it. Divorce then becomes the easy way out.

Divorce has become so easy these days with no requirement by courts to establish a reason even from those listed above, that it is no surprise to hear that a spouse can file for divorce because the partner snores. It is a myth that people try hard for a long period of time to stay married even with difficulties and inconveniences. Lack of communication that the American lawyers found as the main cause of divorce may stem from the increasingly visible, lack of commitment to the very institution of marriage. 

Popular culture, including television, cinema, fiction and stage plays glorify extra-marital infidelities, while the cultural icons and idols of the day, like famous sports stars and film stars, and even top politicians, spectacularly indulge in such shenanigans. Is it any wonder that all such celebrities will not enter into marriage without pre-nuptial agreements?