I left work early yesterday to go see the child psychologist by myself. The therapist agreed that there was no need to bring my daughter but rather she and I could work on various strategies for situations where I feel out of control with her. I left her office feeling like I have yet another person on my side. My family has always gotten on me because I don’t punish my kids.

The therapist and I discussed the meaning of disciplining. She said it is to teach. So with that in mind and since I am mainly having problems with my teenage daughter, I discuss what my daughter has done that needs disciplining. We talked about my daughters lying and determined that she lies for status placement. It is very common in teenage girls especially ones from a divorce. They are trying to find out where they fit. She went on to further point out that since her dad is out on disability and I work full-time, she is different from her friends, whose dads all work. The therapist feels that having a discussion with my daughter about this rather than sending her to her room would probably get better results. She asked what else my daughter was doing and I told her I felt she disrespects me in front of her peers but when we are alone my daughter always explains she doesn’t want her friends to know she likes me or thinks I dress nice or look pretty. The therapist said then you need to teach her to be sullen. This will be something I must reinforce if she has nothing nice to say, say nothing.

Lastly we discussed control. I explained that I have cried a lot over the past few years and felt overwhelmed and haven’t made the best decisions in certain situations. The therapist said that my daughter is reacting to me. If I don’t have control, she will take it whether or not she really wants it. The therapist told me it is very important that I maintain control in all situations that the kids see me in. The worst thing I can do is cry over spilled milk so to speak. Obviously if there is a death in the family or a major crisis crying is acceptable but other than that I need to stay calm and in control. I told the therapist I have been going to Co-Dependency meetings and I am learning that it is so important not to let other people’s behavior affect me. This should help me maintain control. I told her I feel I will learn a lot from reading the book and applying the techniques to my everyday life.

I have noticed the happier I am the happier the my daughter is. The less I complain about mundane things the less stressed my daughter is. I have to keep in mind it is never too late, my daughter is still young enough to be ok from my divorce. If they can see how happy I am they will know that I needed to leave their dad on that reason alone. He is an Archie Bunker type guy and I know inside me is a playful woman who is screaming to get out. So I am letting her come out slowly as to not freak myself out too much. I hope as I let myself become more comfortable being relaxed and not so uptight I will be more fun to be around.