Oh man. Here is a terrible, awful, shocking, horrifying tale that, unless you are stronger and better than us (probably) might sort of make you chuckle in a Beavis/Butthead sort of way, but only in the midst of being horrified, and wondering if this could possibly be real. This is also the tale of the unluckiest guy in New Zealand, a truck driver named Steve McCormack who somehow managed to get an air hose “lodged in his buttocks” after slipping and falling on the rigging between his truck and the trailer. What happened next is something.

He landed on the hose connected to the semi’s airbrakes and broke it. The nozzle pierced his left buttocks and air from the tanks pumped into his body at 100 pounds per square inch.

“I was blowing up like a football,” he said. “I had no choice but just to lay there, blowing up like a balloon.”

Nearly half the tank of air was pumped into him before co-workers managed to remove the nozzle. However, McCormack is not actually the unluckiest guy in New Zealand, because after three days and a trip to intensive care, he’s back to his normal size again. And he has this story to tell the grandkids.

Holy shit. Please incorporate this lesson into your life in whichever way you can so as to avoid it happening to you.