Make it a goal to be happy and loving with each other. Marriage can make you happy, encourage and cheer – lift you up, not pull you down.

You can bring more joy into marriage! You can be grateful, positive and happy.

It’s about past, present and future positivity. Remembering happy memories–letting the negative ones go. Purposefully bringing up enjoyable conversation topics today. Talking happy talk about the future. Planning for fun.

Of course life brings challenges so we can’t replace emotional support during stressful times or problem solving. But we can be more intentional about making our home a positive place to go at the end of the day.

A New Focus

Martin Seligman is a psychologist who said that the psychiatric community was doing a good job of helping people achieve more normal lives but he wanted to help normal people achieve optimum lives. He began the International Positive Psychology Association in about 1998. The first Congress was held in Philadelphia in June 2009 with 1600 people. In opening the event. Seligman said, “We have too many countries represented to welcome you that way, we’ll introduce you by continents!” The idea of positive psychology is becoming very popular.

Martin Seligman says there is The Pleasant Life, The Engaged Life, The Meaningful Life. You can have all 3 and mix and match.

The Pleasant Life is having positive memories about the past, upbeat, happy conversations and activities, savoring the present moment, being grateful and kind, and having optimistic plans for the future.

The Engaged Life means doing things that are fun, that make time disappear. You are in flow, in the zone. You do things that challenge your skills a bit but not too much.

The Meaningful Life is when you are doing something that you believe in, that is connected to a cause bigger than you are, that makes the world a little bit better. You are using your best qualities and strengths to live the finest life you can achieve.

Where does happiness come from?

50% of your happiness or unhappiness in life is determined by your genes and the environment you grew up in–you were born a happy person and developed that or not. You have personality traits, qualities that give you a certain set-point of joyousness or doom and gloom and anxiety. 10% of your happiness comes from circumstances–money, marriage, religion, health. The good news is that 40% of your happiness is up to you. You can adjust your time, lifestyle and attitudes to become a more positive person.

It was probably a survival attribute to be wary, worried, and watchful. The ancestor who looked out for the saber-toothed cat survived to have progeny while the person looking at the sunset got eaten. Now many of us are more anxious, negative and pessimistic than we would like to be. Since we have much more protection in our 21st Century lives and there are not so many dangers lurking these days, we don’t need to be hyper vigilant. What we want is to emphasize the positive and help our children do that.

Living a Happy life.

So how do we gain control of the 40% of our life and find the happiness and positivity we desire? How do we have a Pleasant Family Life and encourage our children to be hopeful and optimistic?

The Pleasant Life.

Talk about happy memories of last year, last week, yesterday and our last vacation.
Savor moments, be aware of present joys, be grateful for the good things in your life, use acts of kindness to give to others and feel good about yourself.

Make plans for fun tomorrow, be optimistic about the future. Talk about what you look forward to.

The Engaged Life.

What hobbies, sports, games, activities, pastimes make time zip by for you?

The Meaningful Life.
What causes are important to you? What are your strengths, gifts, traits, qualities and abilities that help you contribute something helpful and useful to the world? You need a 4-1 ratio of positive to negative to have a good life. How can you collect those good times?

How to be happier.

Celebrate with your children and your partner about their good news. Help them capitalize on happy events. Be enthusiastic about their good fortune. When you are excited about good things in your mate’s and children’s lives they want to keep telling you about them. They want to share good news and have you be thrilled also. Don’t rain on their parade, march with them.

Teach gratitude by demonstrating it to your children. Thank them, thank your partner, thank others and let them hear you do it frequently. When you show your gratitude you give a boost to the other person’s happiness and that makes you feel good, too. Talk about the good in your life and what you are grateful that you have. Are you delighted and happy to live in California, to have a home, to have legs that work?

You’d like your children to learn the Value of Kindness. Let them participate when you help someone or make food for a neighbor or do favors for your mate or acts of service at church. Don’t force them to do things, let them help, make it fun. They idea is that we make ourselves happy by making others happy.

Talk about the idea of being positive. Let your children and your partner know that it makes you happier, and that you enjoy the conversation more, when you talk about positive ideas and topics. Point conversations in a positive direction and redirect when necessary. Politeness helps also. It’s more fun when you all listen to each other.

Questions for the dinner table and in the car: What was the best thing that happened today? What is your favorite toy? What game is the most fun for you? What are you looking forward to tomorrow? Do you have a happy memory? About our vacation? About school? About playing with your friend? At bedtime: What were the 2 best things that happened today? What do you like about the story we read? Who is your favorite person in the story? If you could choose a happy dream what would you dream about?

Connect with nature. Make sure you plan time to go to places of natural beauty to walk and play. You can ride bikes on park trails and spend an afternoon in a woodland area.

Savor the positive moment. Be aware of the tastes of your dinner, the beauty of the sky, the way the children look when they are sleeping. Talk about savoring and being aware of the good things happening now so that you can build happy memories to talk about tomorrow.

Caution.

Don’t force positivity on anyone! No one wants to be cheered up. Telling someone to look on the bright side or to stop feeling sorry for themselves is a sure way to have them get angry at you. If someone is hurting, afraid, angry or unhappy, what they need is to be listened to, comforted, held. Showing your understanding helps alleviate the unhappiness and creates a bond. There are times when we need to be serious and focus on solving problems. Positivity is for when you’re in neutral territory.

Why do we want to make an effort to have happier, more positive lives?
There are important benefits to being positive. When you are focused on the positive things in life it relaxes you, opens you to a wider world, broadens your interests. Life seems fuller, richer, more exciting. Positive means optimism and optimism brings an attitude of looking for possibilities. Can do, will do.

When you are happier you have more energy. You teach your children a life skill of looking for the best, being grateful, being kind. When you experience happiness it improves your physical, mental and emotional health. You are more fun to be with.